3. Staying at home
Topic 1 of 4
First step. Staying at home.
One of the most difficult conversations we can have with our elders, when helping them plan for their best possible future, is whether or not they are able to manage staying in their own home. Sometimes the catalyst to move will be a sudden medical event and you will have no choice. But most of the time it will be a gradual decline of capacity to cope and the decision will be more gradual or complex.
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We all have deep emotional ties to our homes and being forced to move from our home can be traumatising.
If our elder’s wish is to stay in their own home, then our responsibility is to do everything we can to support this decision.
Of course, there may be circumstances like dementia or immobility or increased ill health where staying in their own home may not be possible. But in most cases, there are many support services available which will enable your elder to stay at home for as long as possible.
To identify which of these services to put in place, you will need many conversations. And these can be difficult because often our elders fear talking about needing help. They don’t like it because they may have seen their friends forced to leave their homes when their families think they’re not coping.
Please start all conversations by reassuring your elder that you want them to stay at home for as long as possible and that the more help they get, the more control they will have over their own lives and the longer they can stay at home.
Remember, no matter how many reservations we may have, it is their decision.
Do we need to talk about help at home?
Wherever your elder is living, whether they stay in the family home or downsize to their next family home – an apartment or a retirement village unit – or even if they move in with you, the next step is to help them put in place the home care support and services they need to ‘age in place’ safely and comfortably for as long as possible. You can’t do it alone. Your elders need a team and so do you.
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Conversations to have with cake….
Having conversations about how and where to live is difficult at the best of times – no matter what kind of cake you may have baked. We hope that this guide gives you a way of managing challenging conversations.
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Remember to have your notebook ready to record both your observations and your elder’s comments and opinions. Consider starting a private Facebook page or group chat to share information and concerns with others who are supporting your elder; remember it’s a team effort. Also, create a shared family calendar to schedule appointments, tradespeople visits, or times when having someone to be with your elders would be helpful.
Here is a guide to how to talk about where your elders should live.
- Make sure as many of your family as possible are present.
- Brainstorm the options and record them in The Notebook.
- Allow all members to comment on the options beginning with your elders.
- Listen to them carefully. Record each person’s comments.
- After the discussion, read through all the comments and check if all the topics were covered. Confirm with the group that their comments were accurately recorded and get agreement for the next meeting. Because there will be many meetings and many conversations. Share the details in your group chat.
Module 3
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MODULE 3
