6. Caring for the carer
Topic 2 of 4
You are not alone
You may hear people say that caring must be so rewarding – and there is no doubt that helping others live a better life has huge rewards – but there is also the reality of caring which is the impact it has on the carer’s life. It is important you recognise this impact so that you can manage your own health and happiness in the best way possible.
The first National Carer Survey (2020) provided feedback on the causes of the mental, physical, and emotional strains experienced by carers that you may find shocking – but not surprising.
- 1 in 3 carers never have time out from their caring role
- 50% do not have enough time to keep on top of other responsibilities
- 1 in 3 found it difficult to get information about services and organising services for the person they care for.
The most recent National Carers Survey (2024) tells us that 1 in 5 carers have less than one hour per week to themselves.
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Being a carer is different for everyone.
The role might be lifelong, such as caring for a child with a disability or a person with a chronic illness. It could be short-term, or it could be a combination.
If you are caring for someone with support needs that are episodic, it can disrupt and stop your life at different times.
A lifelong carer might become worn down over a long period of time. A carer for someone at the end of life might be exhausted from sudden medical crises and many hospitalisations.
Simply the stress of being a carer can cause breakdowns and burnout.
Sometimes constant stress can manifest itself as chronic emotional numbness. As if to remove ourselves from pain, we remove ourselves from pleasure as well.
You are not only not alone, but you don’t have to do this alone.
What is stress?
We often underestimate stress and think we can cope but over a prolonged period stress can have serious physical and mental effects. Stress is the normal response of the body and brain to complex or compounding demands.
Some of the demands might be:
- Dealing with complex situations
- Dealing with services and organisations
- Having to remember lots of things
- Having to make difficult decisions
- Doing extra physical tasks – more lifting, bending, cleaning
- Trying to fulfil expectations – your own or others’
- Loss of friendships and social support network
- And a major challenge for all carers is simply not enough time. Time to do anything for yourself. Time to keep your own affairs in order.
While having a bad day is normal for everyone, experiencing relentless difficult days can lead to burnout.
Common signs of stress or burnout.
Feeling unmotivated or lacking energy.
Worried and anxious about the future.
Strains or difficulties in a relationship.
Inability to focus.
Tips to making caring a little easier
Self-care is not selfish. Think of it this way. Your happiness and wellbeing are important for the person you care for, as it increases the likelihood that you will be able to go the distance, emotionally and physically.
Select each heading to explore some tips to help you help yourself.
Have a practical plan in place to make sure you will have the health, strength and resilience you need to be a long-term carer.
- Call Carer Gateway and make an appointment with a Carer Coach (call on 1800 422 737, press 1 at the menu). Carer Gateway offers a coaching service for carers with the opportunity to work one-on-one with a coach, who will support you to find ways to improve your current situation and create your own path to sustainable caring. The aim is to assist you to make the positive changes in your life that you need and want.
- Carer Gateway also has publications with practical and useful tools and information to support carers to understand their challenges and make an informed and achievable action plan.
- Ask for the Care2Plan book.
While you are there, ask for the Carers Hospital Handbook so that you and your elder have everything you need to navigate the hospital system.
Have a backup plan. Select a wing-person (a person who is familiar with everything that is going on and where everything is). In fact, if possible, also have a wing-person for your wing-person.
Below are some things you can do to achieve this back up plan bliss.
- Contact Carer Gateway. There is someone on the phone 24/7 to talk to in an emergency or they can help you to put in place a backup plan for when you are not available.
- Get pre-approval for respite in residential aged care so that it is there if or when you need it or organize ‘in home respite’.
- Talk to family and friends. They may not be helping much now because they are unsure what to do.
- Have an emergency care plan. It’s a lot easier to do a ‘hand over’ if you can’t be there. Go to the ‘Care2Plan Carer’s Planning Guide’ in the resources section of the menu.
- Carer retreats are organised by Carer Gateway and Care2Serve. Go to Carer events and retreats in Tasmania (care2serve.com.au) to look at what is available. Woohoo!
Below are some helpful tips.
- Call Carer Gateway to set up 6 free sessions of professional carer counselling.
- If you don’t think you need counselling but would like to talk to someone in a similar situation, Carer Gateway runs peer groups where carers can meet and chat. These can be hugely valuable.
- Talk to your GP. You could be eligible for a Mental Health Care Plan and have 10 free visits with a psychologist.
- If your loved one has dementia, contact Dementia Australia. They have a 24/7 advisory help line on 1800 100 500. Dementia Support Australia also have a 24/7 phone support and advice line on 1800 699 799.
- Other excellent services offer counselling and support over the phone. See the resources section of the menu for more detail.
If financial considerations are adding to your stress levels, there is help available. For example, financial counselling will help with budgets, debt management, credit law, debt enforcement practices, bankruptcy, and government concessions. Financial counselling is available for free—see the resources list for links to the National Debt Helpline and The Salvation Army.
Centrelink may be able to help you too. You may have organised financial matters with Centrelink with the person you care for, but you too might be eligible to access a Carer Allowance or payment. Check the information and updates on the Services Australia website.
If you want to apply for one or both payments, you can call or visit Centrelink on 132 300 or make an appointment through Carer Gateway.
Do you know the frog in the boiling water story?
It is often applied to carers who don’t realise they are getting cooked. They are only just hanging in there by their fingertips. Friends may be warning us, but we think we are ok.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to take time out. Take a week off and reflect on what you are doing, how you are coping and if there are things you could do differently so as to spread the load, or turn down the temperature. You don’t want to end up resentful, unwell, neglectful of your own life and/or simply disassociated from things that can bring you joy.
There are hundreds of ways to de-stress and bring some peace and relaxation into your life. It is just a matter of what suits you. Yoga, Pilates, art classes, learning a language, dancing, singing, swimming, running, herding cattle or watching movies, meditation and mindfulness. Get into it.
Stuck for ideas? Go to carer events and retreats in Tasmania – care2serve.com.au – to have a look at some of the free workshops. In the meantime, practice being kind to yourself. Buy yourself treats and acknowledge that you are doing your best. And, you are not alone.
TOP TIP: GET SUPPORT!
MODULE 6
